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Some wierdo from South Africa who was brought up in a good English enviroment

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» Training courses, seminars and conferences

My Cat
Years ago I was a recluse,

antisocial
not trusting of others
shy
scared

basically an introvert...

I like apeloverage story,

Mine took 17 years:

I was about 13 years old, I just came from my friends place for the weekend, it was a Sunday morning, it was also my sister's 21st that day...
When I arrived at my home (21st January 1994), I was immediatly acousted by my sister and my mother, to see what was in my sister's room...
And there she was, Lucretia... or Lucy... or simply "Kitty Kat"...
A Bi-Colour Kitten who was about 6 weeks old, and she stared straight into my eyes and gave (she had a distinct meow) her greeting, "grrrROW?".

My sister got it as a 21st present from her boyfriend. We never had pets in the family, my father hated animals (but he hypocritically like watch nature and animal shows on TV), but she was part of our family!

when she was growing up, she use go through the bushes in the garden and climb the branches on the trees, I was always watching her, teaching her other places to climb around... used to call her "Adventure Cat!" when she was on these missions.

One day she was able to climb from the outside into the bedroom window, much to the suprise of my sister, she liked the cat, but never really paid attention to her, the cat however noticed that I paid attention, and always gave the response,"GrrrRow!" (I did it!)

My sister left for London when she was not even over a year old... she still says it was her cat, but Kitty Kat decided otherwise!

I taught her to be wary of cars, and she learnt very well... to the point of daring: When the car was at a certain distance, she shot across the road right in front of the car going at 35mph... got to admit, she had balls!

The thing she like most of all was boxes...
If you put and empty box on the ground in front of her, she would jump inside... and she would attack you if you tried to get her out!
btw. I taught her how to attack, it involved a string at first, then a yo-yo, then a golf club (she really enjoyed this activity!)

She was bullied by other cats when she was young, but as she got older, she turned hardcore and started to fight and maul other cats, lots of complaints from the neighbours... haha! screw them!

The most unique thing about my cat, she learnt to talk to me:

BrrrMeow! : Hello
Meow Meow : Food!
Brrrr(soft): Excuse me?
Brrrr(Loud): Piss off! (she usually gave a nasty look too!)
Grrr! : I Like that!
Mmmm(quiet): Are you looking at me?

Two years ago she got arthritus... soon she could not even jump over 1 foot. Still I cared for her, made a makeshift staircase of potplants outside my bedroom window so she could climb up to visit me, climb down when she needed the toilet. Because of her arthritus, She really suffered when she need to do "nature's call"... Still disturbed by her cries of pain...

The last sad part is when I had to put her down, she knew what was going to happen to her... she was absolutely silent... she knew (and most likely thankful) what was going to happen... gave her one last hug... then the injection... gave one last Grrr...
All I remember afterwards is my mom catching me, pissed as hell,in the garden cleaning her litter tray and putting food in her bowl...

As I said, I was a reccluse, anit-social, shy, scared, basically an introvert... but I grew up with my cat...
Best Training Course in my life
(Wed 21st Mar 2012, 23:36, More)

» War

War with my drug addiction
Well this was... in away my lowest point in life.

We ALL make FRIENDS in the pub.
Some are nice, Some are nasty, Some are weird, Some are kind, Some are selfish, But some are just plain evil.

I was going through a hard period in my life.
I lost a lot of friends... I was very lonely.

Now I have been going to this pub for about 8 years now.
At first, I usually got 2 beers and pissed off afterwards.
When I had a bad experience in my life, as mention above, I started to hang around the pub more often.
Got to know the bar lady very well and soon I got to know the regulars.

Well, there was one guy there that I clicked with straight away.
We were both had the same interests and we would talk often.
One day, in my drunken state he asked me to go with him to the bathroom.
There he offered a small amount of cocaine.
I said to myself, there and then, "You only live once" and snorted it...
Boy oh boy! Cocaine gives you a boost like never before!

The next few weeks I started to buy from him (Today I realize he was a pusher!).
People at the pub knew what was going on, the bar lady told to "get off it!" and the other regulars were becoming concerned about me.
I nearly reached the limit of my credit card when he offered "something better".
Took a sniff of it, made me feel so relaxed... he then told me it contained heroin.

This freaked me out a lot, so I decided to give up.
I just wanted another gram, just one more gram, it would hurt would it?
Guys! That stuff is so addictive!
I was off it for about 6 days, Then I was drinking heavily, acting strange, talking to my self at the pub.
The bar lady asked for my mobile, I thought she was going to phone her daughters, but she phoned my parents because everyone at the pub that knew me didn't like the idea where I was going.

To cut a long story short.
Went to rehab.
Feel much better now!

The guy who got me involved in this crap, got arrested in a sting... I'm not going to say what happened to him, but Karma is a bitch!

Man, addiction to drugs... is a war on its own.
(Wed 6th Jun 2012, 17:44, More)

» Down on the Farm

Had Piggy Fun!
Well this was few years ago...

Lost my job a system developer at Siemens, didn't know what to do next, I was about 21.

I was looking around for a job, something different (I was trying to go for an apprenticeship as a Toolmaker, but had to wait for a few months) when my mother suggested to help my cousin's brother-in-laws farm.

I live in South Africa,
I can bore the living crap out of you about my life here...
Blah Blah Blah Blah!!!

My cousin's brother-in-law got a nice little farm near the Drakensberg highlands. This farm was near Mooi River, which is situated in Kwazulu-Natal to be precise.

My new job?
Contract; Farm Supervisor; 4 months; Jan to May.
To manage, look after, cultivate, fertilize, weed, whatever, for 10 hectares of cabbages!
I was promised 10% of the net profit after the end of May!
SCHWEET!!!
All I had to do was manage the casual labour, and some permanent staff, all of them were Zulus!

This is when I learnt alot about the Zulus...
Fascinating people! (too much tell BTW!)
For those who did some history, will remember about The British Empire had alot of fun with the Zulus... especially Battle of Isandlwana, ouch!
Present Day, you don't see them wear their animal skin skirts, weilding sharp spears and, sorry horny dudes, there are no topless woman these days.
Only in Shaka Land and DEEP into the Zulu rural lands will you see traditional Zulu folk (and the topless woman!).

Anyways, managing my team of "Zulu Warrior" Men and Woman was nightmare!
The Men were lazy! I kid you not, they were smoking weed most of the time! (ok, there was the odd few that were hard workers)
The Women worked harder than the Men!!!
And guess what, their children worked hardest of them all!!!!!

FOR THE RECORD:
I NEVER EMPLOYED CHILD LABOUR!!!
THEY WERE HELPING THEIR PARENTS!!!
I just gave the children some money to say "Thank you for helping you parents." (such nice children!)

Seriously, nice people.
Live a simple rural life and very content, well most of them.

It was fun!
Got fresh veggies everyday! ( Including Cabbages! )
One whole lamb everymonth! ( Which almost filled the freezer! )
Loads of pot! ( Which got me higher than pope! )
Even got to have fun with a farmer's daughter!!! ( Only to find out she was screwing my boss too! )

Before my contract expired, I had a PLAN!
My boss had a pet pig called POG.
He went away, with his family, during the easter weekend.
Asked me to look after his place, feed the dogs, cats... and POG!
POG was a sow, yep, female!
The day he went away, I took the Bukkie (it is like a small truck), went to the nearest farm and asked for the horniest boar pig available!
Course I told the other farmer my PLAN, loved it and was happy to loan a horny pig!
I dropped my horny boar near POG.
Started nudging at her tummy (to get the ovaries working!)
Kept on nudging her the whole day and tried to mount her!
3rd day he was on top of her every hour! (thats when learnt a pigs cock looked like a cork screw!)
The day my boss was coming back, I took the insane boar back into the bukkie, with the help of 15 Zulu Warriors (They were sh** scared of the pig! LOL!)

My contracted ended, went back home to the City of Johannesburg.
Got a phone call a few weeks later from my farmer ex-boss:
"WHERE DID ALL THE #$%@ING LITTLE PIGS CAME FROM, WAS IT YOU!"
I just couldn't help myself from not laughing!
But he soon too burst out laughing saying I got him, but he will get me back! (he has never got me back to this day)
That's my farm story.

Still, I wonder what happened to the little piggys? Bet you they ended up on my plate for breakfast a few months later!
Mmmmmm!
(Sun 27th May 2012, 5:44, More)