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This is a question I didn't do it

Chthonic wants to know about awful, terrible things you have definitely never done. But secretly have. Confess!

(, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 13:16)
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I forced someone to shoot a dog
I am really ashamed at this story. I was young and a complete idiot. Even though it still makes me chuckle every time I see someone wearing a sun visor.

When I was 14 my brother, who is a lot older than me, decided to move in with his girlfriend. We didn’t ever get on. In fact we spent our entire lives thinking of ways to piss each other off. So when he appeared in my bedroom with a cardboard box and said “this is stuff I don’t need any more – you might want it” I was a little more than sceptical.

After his completely non-emotional goodbye I ran to my room and studied the box with caution. Expecting a boxing glove to explode out.... or it simply to explode. I nudged the lid open and peered inside.

Viz. He had left me his Viz collection. Perhaps I had him wrong. Perhaps he wasn’t such a tool

I searched deeper

“Awww – he gave me his entire recorded-from-TV bond collection”

I started to feel that perhaps I am the total tool

Then I found her. Under Viz and under Vhs lay his stunning yet deadly air rifle and more ammo than should be legally allowed. As I lifted it out of the box it revealed a message that only an older brother can leave his sibling

“If you read this then you are a batty boy bum bandit”

I was right. He was a total tool.

As quick as my legs could peddle me I was over to my mate Toms with the gun and pellets. He only needed to see the pellets before he was dragging me to the local common (a rather famous wood in the greater London that is surrounded by some huge houses). There we were in the middle of the common with an air rifle. We were practically high fiving ourselves (clapping) and wooping away. This is every kid’s dream. Armed and dangerous.

So what to started with an empty beer can. Then an old lighter we have found before we decided to see if we could hit a 2 pence from about 5m. After going through half a tub of pellets a little game formed. We put 1 penny at the bottom of a tree and went about 10m. The first one to hit the coin got to pick a dare. As will all 14 year old dares. It had to be carried out.

I won

On the next shot. Pure fluke but that didn’t matter. I had won.

But what should I dare him. I won too quickly to think about it. Then
something magical happened. Out of the corner of my eye I could see someone walking up the path to us. I said to Tom “hide” and we ran into the shrubs and tree and watched who would walk along the path. Within a few minutes this little Chinese lady came into site wearing a white shell suit and a massive red plastic visor. Strapped to a lead that was around her wrist was the biggest bloody dog I have ever seen. Honestly it was nearly up to her shoulders while standing on all fours. It could have easily passed as a horse. This thing was surely a freak among dogs.

As the dog and owner walked by enjoying their afternoon stroll I whispered to Tom

“I double dare you to shoot the dog in the arse”

In my mind I had visions of Tom running though the common with this
beast chasing him. I thought it would be like spike chasing Tom. With me as Jerry laughing my arse off.
Tom pulled up the rifle. Look into the site.


The dog just stopped in its tracks for about 3 seconds motionless. Then without warning or sound the dog bolted. He done 0-60 in 3.5 seconds. The hound took off. Unfortunately for the owner the second the 5 metres of slack had run out – as if in slow motion the lady went horizontal about a foot off the ground. If you were close enough you could have done that magicians trick with the hoops to prove there were no wires. Then in a second she disappeared. The dog pulled the lady clean over and then carried on pulling her at some speed down the path. All we could hear were the muffled grunts of the dog and the high yelps of

We looked at each other for a fraction of a second then back at the dust ball they had left. Then ran as fast as we could. We went past the pond and the cottage and down towards the thick wood. When we believed we had reached a safe place we stopped and spent around 30 minutes full on crying of laughter.

After the humour had left our physically shaking bodies the enormous guilt come over me. It wasn’t Toms fault. I had dared him. He had to do it. The only kid we knew who didn’t complete, or at least attempt to complete, was a loser and would never get his hands on Patricia Davis norks.

I looked Tom in the eye and said “Never tell a soul and I promise I will never tell a soul”

So after 20 year - there is my confession.
(, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 21:27, closed)

I have never submitted fiction to a B3ta question of the week
(, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 21:31, closed)
Until now?
I clicked anyway.
(, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 21:33, closed)
clicked just for the mental image of a horizontal chinese woman being dragged around a park

(, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 21:46, closed)
Yeah, we've all seen Trainspotting.

(, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 22:16, closed)
I got halfway through and thought the same thing

(, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 2:00, closed)

...sbeen Trainspotting.
(, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 6:02, closed)
^^ This ^^

(, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 9:06, closed)
Ah, bugger
yes, I missed that completely.

Oh well.
(, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 9:16, closed)
i liked this
And clicked the appropriate link as well
(, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 0:42, closed)
Reminds me of the
time some local hoodlums tried to mug me and the girl I was with,
the muggers pulled out this pen knife,
so I asked him "You call that a knife?"
I pulled out my bowie knife and said "Now this is a knife"

(, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 12:12, closed)

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